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Pink Sugar

When artists feel blue .....

May Birth Month Flower, Hawthorn Flower SVG Bundle

The hawthorn tree in the garden bloomed again, and this was the third time I saw him bloom, and every year at the end of April, by accident, I went to the window and saw small white flowers dotted the green trees, bringing me back to the memory of the previous year, and I remembered my memories of this tree.

This year, I've always been running away, what am I running away from? It could be not good enough to be myself, not up to my ideal world, unsatisfactory environment, flawed in everything. This hawthorn tree brought me back to what I had been like when I first saw it: the May sun shone on it, a cloud of white flowers like snowflakes, and like dried flowers pinned to the neckline, without thinking carefully, subconsciously picked up the mobile phone in my hand and photographed it. The photo was awe-inspiring, not only did I post it on Instagram, but I also fixed it over and over again, always wanting to tune in to the perfect filter, but after a while, it will be back, back and forth. Maybe I just can't accept what is already perfect, and always think that it is perfect only if it has been modified, even if it is really perfect. I don't know when I always have to go to the retouching software to look around, thinking that that is my sense of security, if I don't retouch the picture, I will feel naked under the gaze of everyone. Probably the summer when I first met the hawthorn tree.

Although I experienced a heart-wrenching transformation for the last two years, life also gave me gifts from time to time. Standing in front of it, like today's blooming hawthorn tree, I feel as if I had returned to two years ago, the girl who thought she was imperfect but was actually close to perfection, able to accept all possibilities and look at everything that happened, the whole of life. I don't know when the transformation happened little by little, first thinking that I wanted to pursue perfection, and then realizing that I could never achieve perfection, I began to run away from all the imperfections that symbolized my imperfection, what about stepping out of that perfect bubble? Who am I hiding from? Maybe deep down I still live with that little girl, thinking that I am not perfect but not very pursuing perfection, but for many reasons, I have wrapped myself in a shell that does not match the interior, and this shell must be perfect. It seems that, since the last May, my little girl has stopped appearing and replaced by a person who wants to deliberately create a perfect princess, why? Is it because I feel threatened by my classmates around me? Do I feel like I used to be confident like a fool? Is this my physical anxiety? Probably, I've pinned my perfection on too many things beyond what it should have been. Appearance, family, learning, taste, experience, good to think that everything can be compared, in her eyes people around the people are secretly competing, suddenly, everything becomes muddy and not simple, suddenly, everything, relationship, cause and effect, have different explanations, the too real world pushes the little girl farther away. She might want to say: I'm not old enough to accept the world. I don't know when she became very aggressive, everything must be the first, everything is better than everything, put herself on the sharp end, and have to break through the narrow mouth, but do not know that turning her head, the road will become more and more spacious.

By Mahmoud Soliman

source from bored panda

Coloured glasses are scary, and sometimes they can't be taken off.

Maybe the jump was too fast, the transition from a little girl to an adult when she realized that everyone around her had become so mature. She was still like a child, she knew that she herself had always been reluctant to grow up, and from the age of 14, she had deliberately made herself simple.

She is very screwed, on the one hand, she has long been more mature than others, on the other hand, she has always shown the innocent side, in her heart, she does not want to grow up, does not want to grow up, on the other hand, she found that it is time to grow up, all she has to do is to lift the cover that has been covered, but when she does this, she finds that once she opens it, there is no way back. Re-masking is just self-deception. All she could do was accept reality and carry the burden she had been resisting.

So she's conflicted, two characters, often deranged, mature little girls? Adults, who are not independent? She couldn't find a suitable role for herself, and the part she had adapted to for 17 years was ruthlessly torn apart and could only be recreated. So, she couldn't find it, she was lost. One will escape, and one will move forward. She was conflicted, uncertain, broken, helpless, and confused. Who can tell her what is right and what is wrong? Will there be someone to show her the way?

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1 comentario

Chen Lu
Chen Lu
12 nov 2022

Eventually it will always be yourself who could show you the way ahead, the mask is indeed a must for our grown-up-career.

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